God Squad

Your soldier finally made it back from the deployment.  The homecoming ceremony is over.  The banners and bunting are put away.  The confetti is gone.  Your warrior is home with 90 days of leave.  Now what?

Here are a few tips on how to handle your soldier at home.

Communicate like a couple.  This will be rusty at first.  You have both changed during the deployment.  You are more independent and your warrior still needs to adjust back into the family.  Remember that you will hear lots of military jargon and abbreviations.  They will make no sense to you whatsoever.  It is okay to turn your head and say, “I don’t know what you just said.  Did you just speak in Martian?  Is that some kind of Army lingo you picked up during the deployment?”  Be ready for the soldier to talk like a soldier.  Sentences may be short and choppy.  In return, speak up when that occurs.  Remind your warrior that you were not down range.  Apply grace and compassion in moments like this.  Listen to the war stories and remind your soldier to hear the home stories as well.  Show love through humor and sharing.

Reunions take time.  Once the soldier is home, it will take time to reconnect.  You cannot flip a switch and return your family to 2011.  Expect things to go well.  There is normally a honeymoon period where everything is perfect because the family is back together.  This can last a couple of days or a couple of weeks.  It is different for each military family.  In time, challenges will start to surface.  The kids will act up during the worst possible time.  The dog will get sick.  Conversations turn into arguments.  Tempers will flare.  Snippy comments are exchanged and suddenly our once happy couple stops using titles like dear, baby, honey, or sugar toward each other.  Don’t growl at each other.  This is when you adjust to new roles and routines.  How did things function during the deployment?  Share what a typical day looked like and how the family needs to function.  Make the adjustments necessary.  Gradually, the new normal will be established at home, but prepare for a couple of kinks in the line.  Remember to demonstrate patience with each other.

Keep your activities.  Keep the fun events and activities that got you through the deployment.  Don’t give up the good stuff that kept you sane during the last year.  Several spouses will join a gym, have a girl’s night out with FRG friends, start a hobby, or join a book club.  Don’t throw them out because your warrior is home.  Likewise, soldiers may have taken college classes, maintained a fitness routine, attended Bible study, or enjoyed a movie night with battle buddies during the deployment.  Soldiers and spouses should keep the good stuff from the last year, but remember to maintain a balance.  Make time for each other and your family.  Don’t let activities and events get in the way of your reunion.  Protect the good stuff in a healthy way.

Each time I came home, my wife was very patient with me.  We felt that the second deployment was easier in some ways because we knew what to expect.  But there were different challenges from the first go around.  Military families need to know that every deployment and homecoming is different.  The issues that military families face are complex and varied.  Don’t expect the first to be like the second.  Make time to attend your reintegration briefings or Yellow Ribbon events.  They will offer practical ways to help you and your funny talking soldier.