Military families and military couples frequently ask how they should reconnect once a deployment is finished. Families and veterans should keep these five stages in mind.
Preparation. Service members and families make plans for the return home. Service members are still deployed, but folks begin to talk about their expectations and wants when they are reunited. What do you want to eat at home? Do you want a family get together in the back yard? Can we take a cruise or take the kids to Disneyland? Discussions focus on your return home and immediate plans.
Honeymoon. This is just after the homecoming ceremony when your commander yells, “dismissed”. The beautiful beginning starts when you get to hug and smooch on your loved ones who were waving signs and flags just minutes earlier. This is the period when everything is right and perfect in the world. Service members will go home, kick their feet up, and get some rest. Relatives and friends are just happy to have their veteran home. Couples frequently ask family to watch the kids so that they can have a romantic get away the first or second week home. The honeymoon period can last days, weeks, and hopefully even longer.
Disruption. This is when challenges starts to appear for families. Arguments take place and voices start to get louder around the house. Kids may challenge the order and rules that existed during the deployment because your warrior is back. They may attempt to divide parents and get what they want instead of following the rules. Arguments take place over new roles in the home. The niceness and special attention that couples gave each other during the honeymoon period is now in short supply. The veteran may be asked to perform an increasing amount of chores and tasks that weren’t important two weeks ago. There is little or no tolerance in allowing your service member to sleep in each morning. It’s time to get back to business.
Adjustment. This is the time when you establish new roles, responsibilities, and goals. Dad may not know about Friday evening walks at the lake, because this tradition started during the deployment. Who will pick up the kids from school now that Mom is back? The kids didn’t help fix dinner before the deployment, but it has been the norm for a year. Will they continue to prepare meals? Who will make sure that the kids finished their homework? Who will tuck the children in bed? All of these tasks were known during the deployment, but veterans may need to relearn, share, or change some household roles.
New Normal. This is when changes are still being negotiated and are slowly becoming patterns. The roles may not be the same as before the separation, but the military family is back in action. Remember that every deployment is different and the time to adjust will vary also. Your first deployment was different from your second. Try not to compare the reunions with each other.
Again, every military couple and family will adjust to reunions in a different way. But keep these stages in mind when warriors come home. Soldiers should take the time to rest and relax from that long combat tour. Don’t sell your leave. Take it and enjoy the down time at home. Couples should rekindle the romance that stood the test of time. Try to catch a Strong Bonds marriage retreat. And kids deserve some quality time with their warrior as well. Make each moment count now that your warrior is home.
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